tart a new diet, kick an old habit, or pick up a new hobby; each of these New Year's resolutions sounds pretty familiar, right? But have you ever considered putting a relationship reboot on your list of to-dos this January?
There are so many ways that you can improve your relationship (that will also benefit you and your partner as individuals), and the new year is the perfect excuse to do just that! These are OurRitual’s expert tips for strengthening your relationship going into the new year.
What are the different types of Intimacy?
Intimacy is often mistakenly limited to physical closeness, but a healthy relationship requires multiple dimensions of connection.
- Emotional Intimacy: The safety to share feelings, vulnerabilities, and fears without judgment.
- Physical Intimacy: Affection, touch, and sexual closeness.
- Intellectual Intimacy: Sharing ideas, engaging in meaningful conversations, and respecting each other's opinions.
- Spiritual Intimacy: Connecting on shared values, beliefs, or life purpose.
- Experiential Intimacy: Sharing life's journey, making memories, and participating in activities together.
The Interdependence of Intimacy Dimensions
Intimacy in a relationship is a cohesive whole, meaning neglecting one dimension can severely undermine the others. For example, if a couple consistently avoids Emotional Intimacy (the safety to share vulnerabilities), this often causes a breakdown in trust and psychological safety. Consequently, Physical Intimacy often becomes strained or disappears entirely because the foundation of emotional connection has weakened. Conversely, focusing solely on one type of closeness (like spending time together or Experiential Intimacy) without deeper emotional sharing can lead to a sense of superficiality in the relationship.
The Role of Self-Disclosure in Intimacy
True relationship growth is underpinned by the process of mutual vulnerability, best described by Self-Disclosure Theory. This theory emphasizes that connection deepens through the gradual exchange of personal information across two axes:
- Breadth of Sharing: The number of topics partners are comfortable discussing (hobbies, work, friends, etc.).
- Depth of Sharing: The intimacy level of the topics discussed (fears, dreams, past trauma, core beliefs).
Building true connection requires partners to gradually increase both the breadth and, more importantly, the depth of their sharing, exchanging progressively more personal and vulnerable thoughts.
Practical Steps for Intimate Relationship
#1 Open communication
Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. As you enter the new year, commit to open and honest communication with your partner. Create a safe space for you both to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. When you prioritize communication, you set the stage for a deeper connection and a more resilient relationship.
Where to begin: Schedule regular check-ins to discuss concerns, desires, and goals. Active listening is equally crucial – make an effort to truly understand your partner's perspective, validating their emotions and experiences.
#2 Reflect and learn
Reflecting on past experiences allows both of you to gain insight into the dynamics of your relationship, making room for personal growth and positive change. Learning from the past helps you avoid repeating destructive patterns and lays the groundwork for a more harmonious future.
Where to begin: Make time to reflect on the challenges your relationship faced in the past year. Identify patterns, triggers, and recurring issues. Acknowledge your role in these challenges, and encourage your partner to do the same.
#3 Set realistic goals
In the spirit of the new year, set realistic and achievable goals for your relationship. These goals can range from improving communication to spending more quality time together. Setting shared objectives promotes collaboration, encouraging you both to actively work towards a common purpose.
Where to begin: Be specific in outlining the steps you'll take to achieve your shared goals and ensure they are realistic for you both. Regularly revisit and reassess them to track your progress and make adjustments when needed.
#4 Quality time and intimacy
Don’t forget to prioritize time together. In the hustle and bustle of the new year (and daily life in general), quality time can sometimes take a back seat. Focus on intimacy - not just physical but also emotional. Share your thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams with your partner to help foster a deeper connection.
Where to begin: Schedule regular date nights or plan days out to create opportunities for shared experiences. Encourage speaking openly and honestly, and sharing your thoughts and feelings.
#5 Consider professional support
If problems in your relationship are persistent, or if it seems like you won’t be able to overcome the challenges on your own, consider speaking with a professional. Relationship experts can provide a neutral and supportive environment for both partners to explore their feelings and concerns. They will be able to offer valuable insights and strategies to improve your relationship.
Where to begin: Spend time doing your research together and find an expert who will suit you both. If you would like a schedule-friendly and affordable option, consider online relationship guidance with OurRitual.
#6 Practice empathy
Empathy involves acknowledging and validating your partner's feelings without necessarily agreeing. It can be a powerful tool in resolving relationship problems. This compassionate approach fosters a sense of emotional safety and understanding, contributing to a more harmonious relationship.
Where to begin: Make a conscious effort to step into your partner's shoes and view situations from their vantage point.
#7 Express gratitude
Don’t forget to cultivate gratitude for the positive aspects of your relationship! Reflect on the qualities you appreciate in your partner and the memories and moments that have brought you joy and connection in the past. Expressing gratitude can be a powerful tool for fostering a positive outlook on your relationship.
Where to begin: Consider incorporating regular gratitude practices, such as sharing appreciation or writing short love notes.
#8 Embrace change
Change is inevitable, and relationships are no exception. Practice embracing a mindset of adaptability, recognizing that you and your partner are constantly evolving - which is not necessarily a bad thing! Being willing to adapt can foster flexibility and resilience, ensuring your connection can stand the test of time.
Where to begin: Try to be open to adapting your communication style, priorities, and expectations - this can help accommodate growth and changes in your relationship.
#9 Don’t forget about yourself!
Your relationship with your partner is important, but so is your relationship with yourself! Be sure to prioritize self-care this new year - physically and emotionally. By taking care of yourself, you can contribute to the overall strength of your relationship. Don’t forget to encourage your partner to do the same.
Where to begin: Practice self-reflection, engage in activities that bring you joy, and prioritize your mental and physical health.
Intimacy Rituals, Habits & Micro-Practices
Once the foundational elements are in place, the relationship thrives on intentional small actions that weave connection into the fabric of daily life, such as:
- Small daily practices (gratitude, “30-second check-in,” no-phone zones). Consistency is more important than grand gestures for long-term health.
- Intentional touch (nonsexual affection) and its physiological benefits (oxytocin, stress reduction). Simple touch helps regulate stress and build attachment.
- Novelty & shared new experiences to spark emotional closeness. Breaking routine can re-engage the brain's reward system, linking the positive experience with your partner.
Healing After Disconnection or Betrayal
Healing after a major breach requires focused, intentional effort to re-establish the emotional safety that was lost.
- Rebuilding Trust and Safety: The initial steps to becoming intimate again focus on consciously rebuilding trust and re-establishing safety. This entire process is slow and demands consistency and transparency from both partners.
- Addressing the Emotional Cycle: Learn to identify and interrupt the “pursuer–withdrawer” emotional cycle (where one partner chases and the other retreats). Understanding its impact on intimacy is critical for repair.
- Repair Strategies: Effective strategies for repairing sexual and emotional intimacy after infidelity or deep hurts often involve slowing down, communicating needs without blame, and seeking professional guidance.
OurRitual is on a mission to make good relationship care accessible to all. Our model was designed to remove barriers like cost, tight schedules, and partner participation. We achieve this through scientifically validated methods, supported by the most up-to-date research from the leading experts in the field.
Here’s how it works: You will work with a trained professional who can offer a wide variety of evidence-based interventions. In between your sessions, you will receive weekly videos with tried-and-tested knowledge and exercises focused on your specific needs and goals. The sessions with your dedicated expert will help you integrate what you learned into everyday life.
FAQs
How can I build an intimate relationship from the beginning?
Start by prioritizing all types of intimacy (emotional, physical, intellectual, etc.) as detailed in the first section. Use the principle of Self-Disclosure Theory by gradually increasing the breadth and depth of sharing personal thoughts and vulnerabilities with your partner to build a true connection.
What are common barriers or fears of becoming intimate, and how do we overcome them?
Barriers often stem from a fear of vulnerability or judgment. Overcome this by committing to open communication and creating a safe space where both partners can express thoughts and feelings without fear. Practicing empathy helps by validating your partner's feelings, fostering emotional safety.
How do you become intimate again after emotional distance?
This requires intentional effort, starting with re-establishing emotional safety, as detailed in the Healing After Disconnection or Betrayal section. Identify and interrupt destructive patterns like the "pursuer–withdrawer" emotional cycle. Strategies involve slowing down, communicating needs without blame, and focusing on rebuilding trust.
What signs indicate we have lost intimacy in our relationship?
Signs include a breakdown in communication, reduced prioritization of quality time, a noticeable decrease in both physical and emotional closeness, or finding yourselves consistently stuck in destructive patterns (like the pursuer-withdrawer cycle). Neglecting any of the five dimensions of intimacy can indicate a significant loss of connection.
What small everyday habits help sustain a strong intimate relationship?
Small daily practices are essential, as noted in the Intimacy Rituals, Habits & Micro-Practices section. This includes things like sharing gratitude, doing short "30-second check-ins," and establishing "no-phone zones" to ensure consistent, intentional connection.
How much does physical touch matter in building intimacy?
Physical touch matters significantly. Intentional touch (nonsexual affection) is a key micro-practice for building intimacy. It offers physiological benefits, such as the release of oxytocin, which helps regulate stress and strengthen attachment.
What rituals or micro-practices reliably support emotional closeness?
Reliable rituals include daily gratitude practices, the "30-second check-in" for emotional connection, and engaging in novelty or shared new experiences to spark closeness and link positive experiences with your partner.
