here's no denying it: being a parent is difficult. Raising a child and working on a relationship? Even harder. Beginning the journey of parenthood presents a range of new challenges for couples and can even bring up some old ones, so it makes sense that so many new parents turn to couples therapy for support. In this blog, we'll explore the common challenges that new parents face and how couples therapy can help.
Key Takeaways:
- Transitioning into parenthood can strain even the healthiest of relationships due to time, energy, and emotional commitments
- Parenting can bring unresolved childhood experiences ot the surface, and can lead to conflict between partners
- Parenting disagreements can be frequent - it is essential to find common ground
- Couples therapy helps new parents slow down, reduce reactivity, and identify where parenting styles may originate from
- Committing to help during this period is a sign of maturity and awareness
Why is the transition to parenthood so hard?
Parenthood presents a whole new range of logistics that many couples have never had to think about before. Bedtimes, meal choices, managing temper tantrums...the list goes on. But in addition to this, parenthood also places a range of obvious and hidden stressors on relationships.
Primary among these is the addition of a whole new priority in both parents' lives. Before kids, most couples could place their relationship among the top few priorities in their lives.
Many couples talk about how, before kids, their priorities often centered around:
* The relationship
* Themselves (for example, health and self-care)
* Socializing
* Career
A child adds a whole new priority to the mix, and a big one at that. Unlike our friends, young children do not have the ability to look after their own needs and require substantial emotional and physical involvement to survive. Although many parents intellectually know this, it is not until a new child is in the house that they fully understand the sheer amount of energy and time it takes to raise a child.
This presents an entirely new strain on the relationship and, often, it feels like something needs to give. While in the past the couple could spend weekends together enjoying each other's company, now time is fragmented: more chores, more vigilance, and all of it running on less sleep.
An unresolved past comes back
The process of raising a child leads to many new parents facing parts of their childhood that they hadn't addressed
Many new parents talk about how their child, and parenting them, reminds them of their own experiences as young people.
For those who have not done therapy before, this can be really overwhelming. Those memories that were repressed or avoided can come back at full force. Making matters more difficult is the extra strain and stress of having a new member in the family, as well as the presence of the partner in the mix. While reflecting on the past can be contained, in the context of parenting, these flashbacks can come back at any moment.
Many couples talk about this in therapy, especially for those who had difficult upbringings. This can lead to conflict, communication breakdown, and misplaced projection. At times, a partner may unconsciously see their own parent in the other and react to old wounds rather than the present relationship. Bringing this pattern into awareness is often the first step toward responding with more choice and less reactivity.
Parenting disagreements
Even couples with very similar values and upbringings can adopt drastically different parenting styles. For many new parents in therapy, this is a hot topic. At first, it can seem overwhelming or even call the relationship itself into question: "How can we be so different on this?"
Exploring parenting styles is a crucial part of couples therapy for new parents and often requires the support of a neutral third party. As said, parenting can bring back our own memories of ourselves as a child. Many of us then "course correct", trying to address the things that impacted us poorly.
For example, if someone grew up with a very restrictive parent, they may adopt a very laissez-faire attitude towards parenting, or someone with inattentive parents may become a hypervigilant parent themselves.
As you can imagine, this can lead to a whole slew of issues in the relationship: on top of a parenting style mismatch, there are often conversations about the past, the other's family, and present-day compatibility. Worse still is when a child begins to favor one parent over the other, leading to a dynamic that can feel difficult to shift.
In cases like this, couples therapy focuses primarily on slowing down these disagreements so some clarity can be reached. The difficult part about conflict is that it is often rushed. Having a therapist slow things down and explore the impacts of different parenting styles can be very useful. Likewise, the therapist can help both partners reflect on their own childhoods so they can show up fully for the child.
Keeping perspective
A good couples therapist will help new parents keep perspective during what is often an intense and disorienting period. Many of the struggles that couples report feel like signs of deeper relationship problems, but are actually normal responses to exhaustion, role changes, and sustained stress. Therapy helps couples differentiate between what is situational and what truly needs attention, which can help reduce unnecessary fear about the state of the relationship.
Keeping perspective also means recognizing that parenting demands both short- and long-term focus. Parental couples therapy can help move away from the "right versus wrong" dynamic and toward a more nuanced, collaborative approach. Rather than reacting to every disagreement like a threat, partners can learn to tolerate differences, repair more effectively, and stay connected even when things feel messy or unresolved.
Finally, therapy reinforces an important truth: struggling does not mean you are failing. The transition to parenthood is one of the most demanding relational shifts couples face, and seeking support is a sign of commitment, not weakness. With the right guidance, many couples emerge not just more stable, but more confident in their ability to face the future together.
FAQs
What is couples therapy for new parents, and how does it help?
Couples therapy for new parents focuses primarily on navigating the transition from new parenthood to a state where things feel manageable again.
It focuses on communication breakdowns, honest conversations about priorities, and strategies to ensure that enough energy and effort continue to go into the relationship.
Couples therapy helps because often parents do not explicitly talk about these things outside of the therapy session. A trained couples therapist helps facilitate the conversation and suggest new strategies for managing the difficulties that many new parents face.
Is therapy for new parents the same as couples therapy for other issues?
It is similar but different.
For example, a traditional couples therapy session may focus on specific issues the couple is experiencing, things like miscommunication, conflict, or infidelity. Couples therapy for parents is much more focused on parenting styles, parenting-related conflicts, intimacy difficulties, and navigating dynamics as a new family.
Can therapy help our sex life after having a baby?
Definitely.
Issues with intimacy are very common after the birth of a child, and are often attributed to a whole range of factors that are both biological and psychological. These include stress, hormonal shifts, power dynamics, resentments, and sleep difficulties. This can lead to a lot of conflict. A good therapist will be able to help you sort through the noise when it comes to intimacy, so you and your partner start becoming satisfied again.
How many sessions does parental counseling usually take?
A good timeframe for couples or parental counselling is three weeks.
Although much progress can be made in a month for specific issues, it often takes a couple of months for the couple to fully recognize the dynamics they have formed and address them. To get the most out of therapy, it is important to discuss your goals with your therapist, both overall and for each session.
What if one partner doesn’t want to attend therapy?
Although it is preferred for both parents to attend, showing up individually is totally okay. Many parents start therapy individually, or even decide to have some individual sessions. Individual therapy tailored to parents can provide a safe space to reflect and adopt better parenting practices.
Does therapy help with postpartum depression, or should we see a specialist?
For specific issues related to fertility or postpartum conditions, it is very important to see a specialist alongside a therapist.
They will be able to provide the appropriate medical guidance to ensure that the difficulties are approached from all the relevant angles.
Can online couples therapy work for new parents?
Definitely.
In fact, online couples therapy is often preferred by new parents due to its accessibility. While traditional, in-person therapy often requires couples to travel to an office and meet during normal work hours, online therapy enables couples to do the session from home. That means they can choose a time that works for them (even if it's 9PM) while still being able to look after the child.
